Windows to the Soul
by unicornhime
Summary: ONESHOT: A brief look at the time right after Bella is left during New Moon.


_Notes: Check my bio for more notes on my other stuff, namely if you're wondering what the heck happened to my other fandoms. _

_This is written from the prompt "eyes are the windows to the soul" from a community on livejournal. Expect more from me thanks to that community._

_This takes place just after Edward leaves in New Moon. All these characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, I'm just borrowing them for a bit. _

Windows to the Soul

I stared at the face in the mirror. The stranger there simply stared back at me.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Renee." I heard Charlie's voice pleading on the phone downstairs, but couldn't make any move to help him. What did he need help with?

It had been one week. As I studied the stranger in the mirror, a distant part of my mind marveled at the changes that had taken place in one long week, a week that seemed to stretch on for eternity, a week with…no, I couldn't go down that road. Simply, a week alone.

The stranger was very thin. Unhealthily thin. Amazing what happens when one has to be practically force-fed for a week. Her cheeks were sunken in, her skin unnaturally pale. Now she could pass for part albino. Or as a –

No.

But her eyes, those were the most drastically unfamiliar. Gone were the blissfully happy chocolate windows to the soul. Now the window was shut, painfully tight, blinds drawn. Now there was no soul to see. The soul was dead.

I leaned closer to stare into the dark depths of this stranger's eyes, resting my elbows on the bathroom counter. Charlie's voice drifted up the stairs, anxiously talking with Renee. Talking about me, I knew. I knew I was a wreck. I couldn't ignore it when this stranger was staring at me from behind the bathroom mirror.

I reached one limp hand to touch the smooth glass, testing to see if this image was some kind of mirage. My fingers met the cold, hard surface.

"Thank you, Renee," Charlie's voice crept through the walls I had unconsciously built around myself, "I'll see you tomorrow, then." Why would Renee be coming here? It didn't make sense.

I straightened, walked silently to my room and crept back into bed.

I stared at the wall for a long time with dead eyes, waiting for sleep to drag me back to the hell of my nightmares.

The next day, I didn't want to get out of bed. Saturday meant no school, no reason to drag my broken shell anywhere. I had woken up screaming, one of many new habits. I curled up into a ball, tears silently streaming down my face, a cold sweat coating my skin.

I never felt more alone than at moments like this. If I wasn't careful, I would catch myself waiting for those cool, strong arms to envelop me, and the hard lips in my hair, whispering reassurances…

All I faced now was emptiness, inside and out. The house was empty, Charlie was gone, out somwhere. My room was empty, closet void of all monsters.

And worst of all, my body was empty. I could feel…nothing. It was like I was frozen in time, eternally waiting for the next second when I could breathe again. I could see, hear, understand, but my heart was frozen with a hole gnawing at my lungs. I couldn't breathe, couldn't care.

When Charlie came home, it was with Renee in tow. I registered the briefest flicker of surprise. They found me in my room, still curled up in a ball, staring at the shadows on the wall.

Charlie hung back in the doorway as Renee rushed to sit on my bed, gingerly putting a hand on my hip. "Honey, it's Mom. I'm here to take you home."

"I am home."

The voice that came out of my throat was cold and lifeless. It belonged to the stranger in the mirror.

I continued to stare at the wall, but I could see her eyes glance at Charlie in worry. There was still life in her eyes.

"Honey, you need to get out of here." I could distantly hear the panic starting to build her voice. I couldn't bring myself to care. I'm horrible…can't even care about my own mother. She continued in what I suppose was a soothing voice with barely contained panic, "I came to take you to Florida. The sun and fresh air will be good for you, and a change of scenery, new friends…" She trailed off.

"I'm not going anywhere." I don't know why, but I had to stay in Forks. Part of me still desperately hoped it was all a big mistake. He'd be back, it was just a part of some bigger plan, part of something I couldn't understand, some …vampire thing. I knew I was being stupid. He was gone. He didn't love me anymore, didn't want me. I heard it from his own perfect lips. I was just fooling myself.

I continued to sink further into my self-pity and self-loathing. Suddenly, I heard Renee drag my suitcase out from my closet, zipping it open and pulling open a dresser drawer. She was muttering to herself, sorting through my belongings.

No. I was _not_ leaving.

I bolted upright, turning my strange, dead eyes to stare at her. "What are you doing?" I accused in a low voice.

"You're coming to Florida, Honey, and our flight leaves tonight. I'm taking you home."

A strange energy pulsed through my veins. I was not leaving. I could not leave. I was suddenly very, very angry.

"No! _No! _NO! I won't leave!"

Suddenly I was on my feet, my coverlet thrown to the floor. Energy like I hadn't felt in a week flowed through me, urging me to move. And then I was moving.

"I'm not going! I'm not leaving!" I grabbed the neatly folded clothes from the suitcase and threw them back at my dresser, not caring where they landed. As long as they weren't in the suitcase. I ignored Renee's shocked expression as I snatched the clothes from her hands and screamed. I _could not leave_.

--

I had to face the real world eventually. I realized how much I was hurting my parents. So I channeled that anger into energy to drag my shell through day to day life and to push the pain into the black hole that was hiding behind my eyes. I wasn't drowning anymore, but I wasn't swimming, either.

--

It wasn't easy. Even being with Jacob, I couldn't really _feel._ My soul was still missing. There was nothing to see when you looked in my eyes.

But as I ran across the square, splashing through the fountain, calling his name, I felt my heart beat for the first time in what felt like years. I felt a spark of _feeling_ start in my eyes. I couldn't shut it out, couldn't block it, couldn't remember that he left me. I could feel the black hole start to shrink.

And when he held me in his arms like he still loved me…I felt the black hole disappear completely. I felt my soul again. He had taken it with him, and now he was bringing it back.

And when he _told_ me he still loved me, that he always had, it just felt so _right_. The iron blinds were lifted from my soul's window.

My soul was back. I could feel again. And the stranger was gone from my mirror.


End file.
